Friending George W. Bush: Unpacking Dubya’s History with Michelle & Ellen

Last week’s inauguration was an occasion that comes along every few years when we see former presidents and their spouses mingle with members of the House and Senate, and celebrity guests. This year, President Trump decided not to show up, which probably made the time more joyous — or certainly less awkward — than it would have been.

These get-togethers also happen at prominent funerals, adding a little curiosity for viewers, who feel they are spying on intimate conversations that they can’t hear.

This week, we had a few media puff pieces about the ongoing friendship between former First Lady Michelle Obama and 43rd President George W. Bush. In the past, Michelle explained that the two are always seated next to each other at events, and at the first such event, one gave the other a cough drop.

Mrs. Obama said she liked his sense of humor and, more surprisingly, said the two “shared the same values.” Wha??? I’m not sure how Michelle’s hardscrabble rise from the streets of Chicago to Princeton, Harvard, and beyond, through her own smarts and work ethic, relates to Bush’s privileged birth and no doubt “help” getting into Yale and Harvard Business School through his connections result in a shared value system, but whatever.

You may recall that back in the fall of 2019, Ellen DeGeneres was spotted sharing a booth with Dubya at an NFL game. They could be seen laughing and talking with each other.

The Twitterverse exploded, mostly with tweets condemning her friendship with a man who arguably committed war crimes, leaving a half-million Iraqi civilians dead and their infrastructure in ruins, all based on the lie that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. Never mind that the Iraqi government had nothing to do with the events of 9/11.

And more to the concerns of Ellen’s base, Bush Jr. had once supported a constitutional amendment that would have defined marriage as between a man and a woman, and he opposed labeling anti-LGBT crimes as hate crimes.

The media picked up the storm, with many editorials condemning Ellen. Ellen herself, who touts kindness as her brand, felt the need to do a serious opening monologue for her show to defend her actions, saying, “Just because I don’t agree with someone on everything doesn’t mean that I’m not going to be friends with them.”

Ellen’s career and reputation took a nose-dive that hasn’t fully recovered, and allegations soon followed that she wasn’t so “nice” behind the scenes of her show.

Now, I should point out that I am a big fan of both Ellen and Michelle, each a trailblazer in her own right. I have bought their books and other products and support their causes. And it seems that the women are friends with each other. Michelle has been on Ellen’s show, most famously showing off her pushups and, later, her dance moves.

The two also have George W. Bush in common.

But why is Michelle Obama getting a pass on her friendship with Bush? Seemingly, she would be as offended by his past transgressions as Ellen should have been. And she’s even closer to the hot flame of Washington politics and political issues.

Viewing these cute and friendly exchanges between those with opposing viewpoints should make us a little uncomfortable. After all, many of us have close family relatives, friends, and acquaintances who are on the other side of the fence. It’s easy enough to block the Facebook “friend” who is really just the friend of a friend of a friend who ends up on your page vociferously arguing for, say, Trump’s immigration policy. But do you block your parent or your sibling? Do you stop going to family gatherings?

Of course, Ellen and Michelle aren’t that kind of friend with Bush, to my knowledge. I don’t think they are spending Thanksgiving together.

But it does make you wonder: Where does one draw the line between cordial and chummy at a formal event (inauguration) or an informal entertainment venue (football game)?

Frankly, I did not vote for Bush because I did not share his values, which were then reflected in his policies. If I ever met him, I would be polite and shake his hand, but I’m not sure how friendly I could be. He seems like a perfectly nice guy (remember, voters largely voted for him because they could better imagine “having a beer” with him) in a way that Trump does not, but Bush’s decisions made lasting damage that will linger for years and years.

It has been said that the club of former presidents is small and exclusive, and that surely includes the spouses. Only those who have actually walked in those shoes know how rocky the terrain is, and that provides an intimacy between them that outsiders can never fully understand. For that, maybe we choose to judge less.

Each of us has to navigate the extent of goodwill we offer to people who fundamentally oppose our values. But when it comes to Ellen and Michelle’s friendship with Dubya, let’s extend the same grace to both ladies.